Phlegm has invaded my body. I've had a strong and steady headache since Saturday. I'd like to crawl into my bed and rest for the next month. But as my mother in law says,
"No rest for the wicked."

So I've been busy hopping around to this appointment and that. Taking care of business here and there so I can get my own business started.
All the while, taking care of the Lummins who do NOT understand the concepts of "headache" and "quiet." And that when they pound their spoons on the table it feels as if a 2 ft wide nail is being hammered into my head with a bowling ball!!

So as not to fill this entire post with my aching and moaning, I'll reveal some random tidbits about the Lums today.

Holden could probably eat an entire watermelon by himself if I let him.



Dwayne loves to shop. He won't admit this himself and will probably be in quite a tizzy after he reads this, but I speak the truth. He is a Mr. Fashionista these days and prides himself on finding basement bargains on designer threads.



Three year olds are HELL!!!!! (ok, she's not technically three yet, but darn close enough)
And just why didn't any of you experienced mothers tell me this when I was bitching about the terrible two's??



oh yeah,
where did June go???

I've been a big blogging slacker lately. I've not been able to keep up with the reading and commenting on my regular route.
I'd like to say I've been doing something useful. Oh sure I've been running the kids around and errands, trying to get my photography business started, you know... but the real truth is I've been spending a large part of my spare time feeding my latest addiction.

Sudoku.

Now I had heard from many a folks that this was a fun but highly addictive game, and I intentionally stayed away refusing to even look at a Sudoku puzzle.
But last weekend I'd completed the crossword puzzle, the unscramble words, and all the other games. But there was this one box of numbers left staring and waiting for me on the page.
Sudoku was calling my name.
And I haven't been able to stop since. My mom (thanks Mom) got me a Sudoku puzzle book for Christmas, which I purposefully stashed away in the drawer.
But last Sunday I hunted that sucker down. Now the poor book looks as if it's been passed through the hands of an entire kindergarten classroom. Pages torn, crumpled, erased over and over many times, spilled on, chewed... It's because the book travels with me everywhere.

So now besides photgraphy, blogging, writing, doing crossword and sudoku puzzles, I don't have any other major addictions. ok, well smoking too.
But I know you have your addictions as well.

And now on a totally unrelated topic, I'm resuming the weekly polls around here.
this week's poll question:
If you were having difficulty on an important test and could safely cheat by looking at someone else's paper, would you do so?

Now go vote over there!

New Feet

For the last few weeks I've been trying to get Holden to wear his tennis shoes outside so he'd start walking across the rocky driveway instead of dragging and scratching his little butt and legs around. But everytime I'd get the shoes on his feet he'd pitch a fit.
I figured it was time for a new pair so we ventured to the mall this past weekend to get him sized. No wonder he didn't want to wear his old shoes, they were a size and a half too small!

And now that he has new shoes to fit his chubby feet he won't stop walking.



All it took was a forty dollar pair of shoes to get him to stop scooting his butt around in the mud and across the driveway. huh. Shoulda done that a long time ago.

Sophie also came back with a new pair of Reefs.



What did I come back with?
A full bloated stomach from the beer and pizza.

Our Weekend

Dwayne enjoyed his Father's Day, complete with a pancake breakfast and gifts.
Sophie spilled the beans on Friday when she told her daddy she wrapped his cd and underwear for him.
Nonetheless, Dwayne's favorite gift was the tie Sophie made.


This weekend's word challenge (courtesy of OddMix) had me shooting clear over 200 photos to come up with...

COMFORTS

While Daddy's lap is comfort for the Lummins,


So is a good suck on the paci.



DISCIPLINE

for Sophie is solitude.

Have you ever had so many millions of thoughts swimming around in your head that when you sat down to write about them you couldn't find a thing to say?
I'll just have to skim the surface here...

First,
You've GOT to see this!!


Just like wordgirl said, what makes a sexy man... It's a man who loves his children.

I have to tell you I am so excited about these new photography gigs I've set up with some fellow bloggers!
So! excited!

And since it's the weekend I'll fill the rest of this post with numerous pictures of the cute Lummins.








Bonus Lummin:

Hendrix!

Selling Myself on the Internet

After a bit of initial job searching, I'm finding that part time work I'd like will not pay enough to cover the costs of childcare.
I'm still looking and putting the word out, but my heart keeps telling me to be a photographer.
I love taking pictures. I've actually starting dreaming through the camera lens. Three mornings in a row I've awoken after a scene where I'm viewing the world in black and white through my camera, hearing the click click click of my finger pressing down on the shutter release as I pan across the scene, zooming in and out, trying to find that perfect picture.

Tomorrow night I'm taking an evening class on how to promote myself as a photographer- which explores different types of photography, portfolios, what to charge, where to send your work, etc.
I'm pysched!!!

Now here's where I sell myself to you-
I need more experience. I need customers.
I'm looking for people living in the Austin area who have something they'd like me to photograph. Your kids, a party, you with your significant other, your car, your boobs ...whatever.
I won't charge you a dime. But I will ask for your feedback in return.
And if you decide you'd like prints after viewing the spread of pictures, I will do that for cost. And I might possibly ask you if I can add pictures to my portfolio for my own advertising.

Know right off that I don't like typical cheesy "JC Penny Portrait" types of photos.
I'm into a more artsy fartsy look.
If you are interested or know someone who is, please email me (email is down on the right sidebar).

MASCULINE and FEMININE were the words for this Weekend's Word Challenge.
(Go see OddMix for the details.)

Other than the obvious to photograph our genitals, I was trying to decide what I could shoot to show a clear distinction between the masculine and feminine.
I looked over and zoomed in on Dwayne's huge honking Big Daddy watch. And then glanced down at my small silver piece.
It was then I decided on our watches.

masculine




feminine



****************

As for me,
I'm hanging in there and trying to sort it all out.
I'm a big train wreck right now, but I have reached a few conclusions so far.
I need to take care of myself so I can be a better mother to my children.
I need an outlet- whether it be a job, a hobby, taking a class, or exercising... I need to do something for me.
Everyone needs to take time to nurture themselves and that's not too much to ask for.

Dwayne and I were outside enjoying the evening, chatting away when we hear loud frantic screaming at the back door.
It was Sophie who was supposedly asleep upstairs, but is now downstairs and in hysterics because HER TEETH WEREN’T CLEAN ENOUGH! AND SHE NEEDED TO BRUSH THEM AGAIN!!!

WTF!?!?
She reeks of Dora bubblegum toothpaste and is literally foaming at the mouth as she’s obviously been trying to brush them with the entire tube!!
Ok Dwayne, I’ll let you go take care of that…

Two minutes later, Dwayne calls, “Jackie. Jackie.”
“Yes?”
“We need your help. Come up here.” And adds, “Don’t get mad…”
Thinking carefully I ask, “Should I bring my camera?”
“Yes.”

Expecting the worst, I creep up the stairs with Nik in hand and just before my battery died I was able to capture this photo...



The scene I arrived upon was Sophie’s own modern art makeup party...
A masterpiece of liquid makeup across the mirror, counters, rugs, floor, tissue box, picture frame, and all down her clothes.
My make-up drawers were completely rearranged to Sophie’s liking,
The big fluffy powder brush had been used as a paintbrush as well as her hands,
And all I could do was I laugh and laugh!

She was so proud of her work and that just made me laugh more.
She stood there running dental floss across her teeth, smiling and shouting "Mommy I painted for you!"


...But now I'm wondering if we need to install a lock on the outside of her door.

I'M AN AUNT AGAIN!
My sis out in Hawaii just had her a third baby.

Here's the little boy with his Daddy.



I wish I was there.
Anybody wanna watch my kids while I take a trip to Hawaii??

I think this is my favorite sky photo yet.



Thank you for all the kind and reassuring words...
I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way.
And that said,
I'll be scouring the want ads for jobs next week.

I'm telling you right off this is gonna be a long, personal one. So if you came looking for boobs or cute pictures of my kids and husband, I'm sorry to disappoint...

I’ve got some serious issues rolling around in my head. and I’m writing them all down in attempts of sorting them out. And possibly attain some great advice/knowledge from you wiser folk.

The last few weeks have been really bad for me. Emotionally speaking. Taking care of the kids is really taking it’s toll on me. I feel my "self" is withering away, like I’m drowning. I feel lost and disoriented. Every morning for the last few weeks I’ve been thinking to myself “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Each day I dread the immediate turn of the Lummin dial to MAXIMUM in the morning. The screaming, whining, crying, and fighting. It grates on my nerves and I hear those same words coming out of my mouth “I don’t want to do this anymore. This is not for me."
I cannot even sit down for five freaking minutes to eat my breakfast!
I’ve become easy frustrated and impatient with the Lummins.
Sophie's been quite a challenge lately and I've totally wanted to hit her.
She's made me soooo angry I just wanted to slap her!
No, I didn't hit her and I won't. And if some of you are shocked and think I'm a horrible parent- you can suck it because you are not in my shoes right now!
This may just be a phase sure....but I think it's time for change.
I want to ENJOY my time with my kids. And right now I’m not.
They will go to their “summer school” morning preschool a few days a week for the next month.
And that's when I 'm going to look for something to do. Get a job perhaps?
Though, this is where the big dilemma comes in-
WHAT THE HELL WOULD I DO?

I'd like something part time, to get out of the house a bit and DO SOMETHING. A real job where you are recognized and get paid. It doesn't matter if it's a day or evening job, but if I have to get childcare then the job must pay enough to at least cover the costs.

I am a teacher by trade and degree. And I truly enjoy teaching.

(small sidenote story here)- Yesterday at the mailbox were two letters from previous students-two of my first graders, now fifth graders. Their letters were sweet and thanked me for teaching them various subjects or facts. One student wrote that I was still his "best and favorite teacher." I totally cried and missed those bright-eyed young students... somehow teaching and taking care of 20 first graders was easier than taking care of my own 2 kids!

But teaching elementary school children is tiring itself and I would bring so much of my work home. I put my all and everything into my work. Standing up and moving around all day, keeping up with a classroom of 6 and 7 year olds. I’d be exhausted and don’t think I’d have the energy to be a good parent to my own children the way I’d like to.

I certainly don’t want to teach older children. A part-time preschool teacher?
But then do I really want to just trade children- give mine to someone else so I can teach preschoolers part time? No.

What kind of job can you get that is part time, pays enough to cover childcare if needed, and is WORTH getting a job for???

~~~
My dream job would be a free-lance photographer, a journalist, a storyteller, a Victoria’s Secret salesperson, or even a hired organizer…
If you have any of these positions available please email me promptly (down below on the right)
Fat chance right?
I've got to think more creatively here.

And I'm not getting into all the guilt I feel about this...
But these questions keep nagging at me:
How can I not be able to take care of my own two children?
How can so many mothers who have less than I, but with more children, handle it so well?
Why can I not suck it up and learn to control my emotions better?

Signed,
A totally confused mother of two

They'll be no bitching.
No mention of how paci's absence has made us all more tired and on edge.
Nope, none of that because it was a really good weekend.


It started on Friday with an impromptu get-together with Dwayne.
I had scheduled a babysitter to give me a bit of time away, so I called my darling and asked if he could meet me for coffee. He said he'd love to, but couldn't because he had a meeting in ten minutes- oh well.
But then a short time later my phone rang and please oh please don't be the babysitter-
It was Dwayne and his meeting had just ended.
We met up and drove off in search of a quiet place to sit outside together...
After driving a winding road, we found a secluded park off to the side with paths leading into the woods and alongside the creek. The perfect place.
We walked the paths down by the creek and just enjoyed being able to sneak away in the middle of the day! Dwayne would not be happy with me if I told the rest of the story, and I suppose a real lady doesn't kiss and tell (hee hee) so... I'll end our Friday afternoon story here.

But oh! I think I spotted the TINIEST toad in the world at the park!
He was so small and cute I had to snap his picture. He was a tad shy though and wouldn't look at the camera for me.



I'm running low on time here as Holden will shortly awaken from his morning nap, so I'll highlight the remainder of our weekend:

Friday- night was a drunken blast with the girls, Lauren and TX Mom.
We acquired new tattoos, met TX Mom's husband and sister for more drinks and silliness on our parts, and then drunk dialed TKW (who was not as amused with our drunken antics).

Saturday- hung. over. Dinner with friends in the evening. Holden scored with the ladies and and convinced all three to take a bath with him. (granted one was his sister) He impressed them so with his jokes, and studliness that they all wanted to jump in the bed with him afterward.

Sunday- a gorgeous day on the lake. Cruised in the boat and enjoyed the abundant supply of Texas sunshine. The kids splashed on the beach and collected seashells. And get this, they both TOOK A NAP! At the same time. Long enough for us to have some peace and quiet baking in the sun and cooling off under the water.

The end.
Happy Monday!

I'd like to tell you it's been good here.
But it's not been.


Yesterday was the day we said "bye-bye" to Sophie's beloved paci.

We counted down the days on the calendar and had a going away party! Had a few friends over and enjoyed the frosted, sprinkled cupcakes we made. After dinner we addressed an envelope to the hospital, placed paci inside, and mailed it off for a new baby to have. (ok not really, but that's what Sophie thinks. the envelope has been secretely stashed away)

Last night and today have been sheer hell on earth.
I have an overtired, paci-addicted child who needs some medication and therapy for her withdrawal symptoms.
And her mom too.