My Victoria’s Secret bikini shoot

I was on the hunt for another swimsuit. Of course I ended up scoring at Target.
I have learned that you must shop early to find a good suit. For if you go when bikini season has officially commenced, you will find all the cute ones in your size are gone. The remaining suits on the racks are a mismatch of tops 14 sizes too big or bottoms that are 3 sizes too small. (or at least is the case for my big butt and miniscule boobies)

I think that every woman should have at least two swimsuits for the season. Especially if you live here where the swimming season lasts for three quarters of the year.

My bikini requirements are quite simple.
Requirements for suit number 1:
Must be a cheap and cute. Bright colors preferably. No funky long hanging strings, belts, or beads- these will all get in the way of attaining my perfect dream tan. This suit is specifically for the weekly boat excursions on the lake. One I won’t cry over, for at the end of the season it’s inevitably trashed- faded, stretched, and covered with a mysterious brown tinge even though I wash it every weekend.
Bonus if it comes with a padded top and beer holder!

Requirements for suit number 2:
Sexy. This suit is reserved for special occasions, like my most eagerly anticipated trip to Mexico (a honeymoon of sorts because we are leaving the Lummins behind!) Must be in current style, fit well, and one I feel sexy in. Because as I’ve said before, sexy is a state of mind.

Having already filled both my swimsuit requirements and feeling brave I decided I was going to take pictures to share with you.
I tried on suit number one and looked in the mirror. Not bad.
So I asked Dwayne to take some shots. I told him where to put the camera and what to focus on. But when I went to view them I was deeply disappointed. They kept coming out all wrong. Raw, unattractive, and not what I had imagined. I had these visions of “beach sexy” in my head, but the photo proof was seriously lacking!
After Dwayne’s numerous attempts I gave up and caved to the notion that I had visions of Victoria’s Secret swimsuit models in my head with only myself, the antithesis, to work with.

Sorry guys, no pictures.
Maybe I’ll aim for the shots in Mexico where I’ll at least be tan and too drunk to care!