Alright, this is my last attempt of acheiving sexy...


(yes TKW, I took your advice about the B & W.)

Consider what I’m working with here-
just me, Nik, and my itsy bitsy teenie weenie polka dot bikini. (If you don’t know who Nik is, he’s my mysterious lover of the Nikon sort.) No fancy lighting, tripod, or studio. No fancy photoshopping or airbrushing. And I'm no buxom Victoria’s Secret swimsuit model.



Why am I doing this?
To prove that you CAN still feel sexy after two kids.
I know some of you are snarfling at me right now. shut up
I'm often asked how I stay in such good shape. HA! I’m not in good shape. I don’t exercise. I couldn’t run a mile even if there was the promise of free beer at the end. (ok maybe I could if it was GOOD beer)
My exercise and diet plan goes like this:
-chase after the Lummins all day, with little time to even sit down and eat.
-trudge up and down the two-three flights of stairs in our house round the clock. Usually carrying 25 pound baby or at least two loads of laundry.
-drink lots of coffee to keep going
-replace food in the evenings for beer .

I'm not sure this diet and exercise plan is going to work for me in the long run though.

The good things are:

1) I got a surprise check for $125 today!!!!
Free money! Could it get any better than that?
The story is, my dear friend Mar came down to visit me oh, about NINE YEARS AGO!
I had paid for her return plane ticket and she said she'd pay me back.
Every year since, she'll bring it up that she didn't forget and she was still going to pay me back someday. That money had loooong been spent and I never cared if she paid me back anyway.
Nine years. And I get a check in the mail.
You kill me Mar. And I LOVE YOU!!!!

2) The Lummins are well again.

3) I saved $13 with coupons at Target today!!
I think I came in my panties. I had a Targasm.


The bad things are:

1) Everything in our fridge is now frozen. ??why??
Have to microwave milk before I can pour in cereal.
Cooked green beans do not freeze well.

2) My anxiety over the inevitable.
I am dreading finding the first scorpion of the season.
Bug Season has begun and I've already found numerous ants, spiders, and beetles. It know it's just a matter of time now. And after I find the first one I know they'll be more.
Have I mentioned before that I have serious scorpion anxiety?



A reminder to all:
MOTHER' S DAY IS MAY 14

here's a list hint of things I'd like this dwayne year.
Since your delivery didn't go so well last Mother's Day. I didn't even get a card. Or a caring treasure from the kids. No day off or pedicure at a spa.
I got taken to the mall, to the Apple Store more specifically and was told I could pick out an ipod.
Hold on, don't get me wrong here. I LOVE my ipod and was thrilled with the gift!
It was the lack of appreciation and sincerity for being a mother.

So this year, I'll tell you what I want.
I want you, all of you, to take the time to thank and appreciate your mothers. All the mothers.

And I'd also like some bath scrubby gloves, and a little thingy to go over the bathtub where I can put all my bath necessities (book, candle, glass of wine, soap, and hopefully new bath scrubby gloves).
I'd be most happy with anything from your heart, a well thought out expression of gratitude.

I shall share all the gory details

Sunday morning we awoke to the puke party that Holden had in his bed, the aftermath photo which I shared with you.
I officially diagnosed him with the Puke Virus.

Last night I was in a half sleep when I heard Dwayne bring Sophie into our bed.
He dosed her up with tylenol for her fever.
I remember hearing slurp, slurp, glug, glug, as Sophie finished off her entire sippy cup of water.
In my half awake state I remember thinking oh no she's gonna totally puke that up! but the words never made it out of my mouth.
A minute later I am fully awakened to the "BLEEEEEEEEEECK!!" sound of liquid barf
and the "OH SHIT! Get a towel QUICK!"
It was all over our bed.

So I've been captive to the house for the past few days with the kids and the puke virus.
I'm just waiting for my turn next. But I figure if I'm gonna get sick then it might as well be now, before my trip to paradise, mexico.

I wish I could get a day off though.
Today I just don't feel like being a mom.
Surely other mom's feel this same way at times...
And if they say they don't, I think they are LYING. they just don't want to fess up to what they view as guilty, selfish thoughts.
But come on, somedays I just don't want the responsibility of having to take care of anybody.
I would like to wake up and NOT have the dial on the children's volume and energy level cranked full blast!
I don't want to be a mom today.

A friend, a childless friend, recently asked me what motherhood was really like. was it everything I thought it would be?
Some days it is a brutal job. Painful. Overwhelming.
Sometimes motherhood robs you of the simplest human needs: sleep, showers, food, sex...
But you endure.
Nothing belongs solely to you anymore. Not your belongings, your body, your head, your time, or your heart... You share them all.
Motherhood is a lifelong journey I'm on. A path that I can only see a few feet in front of, but wish I could peak ahead around the corner just to make sure I'm not totally screwing this job up.
And if it weren't for my children I wouldn't be able to endure. They make it worthwhile.
It's the joy and inspiration they bring to each day.
Their innocence and beauty.
The wonderment and delight you take with each of their new discoveries.
The milestones you await and anticipate. Then clap and cheer like mad when they finally reach them!
It's devotion. And lots and lots of love. Love and adoration that can't be measured, rising to heights you didn't even think you were capable of reaching.
It's the new found desire to be a good person, a good citizen, a good parent; to do the right thing because you want to raise your children to do the same.

But still, I'd like the day off every once and awhile.

One of the things I love most about our neighborhood is that when we step out for a stroll it’s always a beautiful nature walk.
We see vibrant wildflowers alongside the street. Acres of trees, shrubs, and flowers. The rolling hills and rocky canyons.
Hawks and buzzards circle overhead against the bright blue skies.
We stop and name the people and dogs that occupy the homes we pass. We collect flowers, rocks, berries, and rolie-polies.
We stop and chat with the occasional neighborhood walkers and pets.
We watch the roadrunners skitter across the street, sometimes with lunch clutched between its beak. We watch and wait for the deer. Sophie will call for them to come, but that’s never actually worked.
We'll cross the street and listen for the babble and gurgles of the creek.

I often take Nik along on our walks and snap snap snap my way through 50 photos or so.

These are my favorites from our walk three times ago...
The yellow flowers blooming from the cluster of cacti.








this one's my favorite

THE CRIME SCENE...



Did Mommy finally snap and finish off the children?

Did Holden bite through his tongue and bleed out through the night?

Or was it the Holden Special: Strawberry Poop Explosion?

You know what it was?
It was the remanants of yesterday's birthday party.
The party where after all the little children left their food plates and juice boxes, Holden came around and cleaned up after them.
Cleaned up after every single one.
It was crackers, cheese, goldfish, juice, strawberries, cookies, melon, chips, more juice, cake, and a bit of grass and dirt...
He was the The Very Hungry Caterpillar who kept eating eating and eating.
And just like the caterpillar he must have had a stomachache at the end.

It's just more stuff to know...

We wake up around 6:30 every morning.
It's a rare and refreshing day when we get to sleep in til 7.
I loathe getting up early.

**********
We leave for Mexico in 19 days!
On a vacation.
What's that?
We have done scores of family vacations. But I'm talking REAL vacation.
Where you can sit down and relax.
Have zero responsibilities.
Sleep in til sunset, or stay up til sunrise.
Do nothing. Sip margaritas on the beach. Get a massage.
Check tan lines every hour or so. Rub lotion across each other.
Drink beer. Read trashy celebrity magazines and giggle with my chica.

**********
I have too many pictures on my computer.
If there is such a thing.

**********
Dwayne and I have a date tomorrow night.
When he asked what we should do, I told him we could go get my FREE PANTY from Victoria's Secret. I got another coupon and nothing excites me more than a free pair of panties! That and sifting through the rows and rows of sexy lingerie I covet.
Now I'm not quite sure why, but Dwayne said yes right away.
I suspect he has plans of his own for something new at the mall.

**********
Holden's favorite tune is E-I-E-I-O. We sing it a good 12 times a day.
Every animal is a dog. He aims to make barking sounds but they come out as grunts.
He can also baaaa.
I think I might be raising the next Biscuit Brother here.

**********
I used to think that bribing your children with candy was a bad thing.
But Dum-Dums work miracles. They can turn your poor shoppers into accomodating little passengers.

“Hey Baby, what’s your sign?” horoscope poll results:
Gemini and Aquarius win!!!
Capricorn loses!
Guess not a lotta of your parent’s were getting busy this time of year.

It’s time for a new poll.
Go check it out----->

My Victoria’s Secret bikini shoot

I was on the hunt for another swimsuit. Of course I ended up scoring at Target.
I have learned that you must shop early to find a good suit. For if you go when bikini season has officially commenced, you will find all the cute ones in your size are gone. The remaining suits on the racks are a mismatch of tops 14 sizes too big or bottoms that are 3 sizes too small. (or at least is the case for my big butt and miniscule boobies)

I think that every woman should have at least two swimsuits for the season. Especially if you live here where the swimming season lasts for three quarters of the year.

My bikini requirements are quite simple.
Requirements for suit number 1:
Must be a cheap and cute. Bright colors preferably. No funky long hanging strings, belts, or beads- these will all get in the way of attaining my perfect dream tan. This suit is specifically for the weekly boat excursions on the lake. One I won’t cry over, for at the end of the season it’s inevitably trashed- faded, stretched, and covered with a mysterious brown tinge even though I wash it every weekend.
Bonus if it comes with a padded top and beer holder!

Requirements for suit number 2:
Sexy. This suit is reserved for special occasions, like my most eagerly anticipated trip to Mexico (a honeymoon of sorts because we are leaving the Lummins behind!) Must be in current style, fit well, and one I feel sexy in. Because as I’ve said before, sexy is a state of mind.

Having already filled both my swimsuit requirements and feeling brave I decided I was going to take pictures to share with you.
I tried on suit number one and looked in the mirror. Not bad.
So I asked Dwayne to take some shots. I told him where to put the camera and what to focus on. But when I went to view them I was deeply disappointed. They kept coming out all wrong. Raw, unattractive, and not what I had imagined. I had these visions of “beach sexy” in my head, but the photo proof was seriously lacking!
After Dwayne’s numerous attempts I gave up and caved to the notion that I had visions of Victoria’s Secret swimsuit models in my head with only myself, the antithesis, to work with.

Sorry guys, no pictures.
Maybe I’ll aim for the shots in Mexico where I’ll at least be tan and too drunk to care!

My Mom flew in Wednesday evening for an Easter weekend visit.
I love being with my mom.
My heart soars when we're near and today was a hard fall down after she left.




It was a much too short visit filled with
laughter and love, pictures and play,
candy and coffee, adventure and comfort.



It's funny because at 17 I wanted to get as far away from home and flee the state of Mizery (Missouri); ran to Texas and never looked back. But now I would be ecstatic to live so near them.
I think, I think, I think, and I hope hope hope I have my parents convinced they're going to move down here!! We even went and drove around looking at different neighborhoods.
This gets me so excited!!
But first my mom will have to retire, which could happen as soon as next year....
maybe she just needs a bit more persuading folks

******************************

Easter Bunny brought the Lummins some FINGERPAINT!

First thing Holden did was eat it.



Sophie was hard at work creating her masterpeice.


Done!

TUNA PORN

-quoting Sophie.

And has become my new favorite phrase.

What the hell is Tuna Porn you ask?
It’s a catch phrase from Sophie’s collection of rambling, rhyming nonsense words and songs.
While toying with the word unicorn out came “tuna porn.”
Complete nonsense. And hilarious!!

When I’m in a grumpy mood or pumped up because the jackass driving in front of me cuts me off, I yell “Tuna Porn!”
Totally cracks me up and makes my sourness disappear.

Try it.

Biscuit Brothers vs. Wiggles

We went to an exciting birthday party this past weekend. The whole Lum Fam attended. It was at Central Market where you can sit outside on the patio and enjoy the food. They have a huge playscape and lots of green fields for the kids to enjoy. I am embarrassed to say as an Austinite I had never taken the kids there before.
So anyway, there was this quirky country band The Biscuit Brothers playing.
Boy these two guys (who claim to be brothers, but I’m not so sure I completely believe that) sure can rock out on the banjo and gee-tar! They could kick the Wiggles asses!
I do not like the Wiggles. Not in a house. Not with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere.
Their catchy catchy songs get stuck in my head. After an entire evening of my brain and mouth stuck on “toot toot, chugga chugga big red car,” I want to kick my own ass.
And none of the Wiggles are cute. They are so gay (and NOT in the homosexual way). Jumping around and wiggling their fingers like idiots.
Drive me absolutely insane!!
I know the kids love them and all… and I’ll tolerate them for the sake of the Lummins. But I cannot enjoy.

Now the Biscuit Brothers are cool.
Good entertainment. Family fun. Real musicians.
And one of them is kinda cute. Even if he’s wearing overalls.

After the party, we headed into Central Market to do the grocery shopping.
But with two cranky, didn’t-take-a-nap Lummins I thought I’d be committed before we reached the end of the boggled Central Market maze.
Solution: Dum Dums
Sophie snagged a couple after the piñata was busted open. They were the perfect remedy.
Kept the kids busy and happy. Until Holden dropped his. And then dropped it again. And then dropped Sophie’s too. When we reached the checkout and the Dum Dums were gone, it was meltdown time.
Shiiiiiiiiiit!
TWO screaming Lummins. Three people ahead of us, and every single one of them paid with a check.
Who the hell still pays with checks? And not just one random elderly person who refuses to join the 21st century, but THREE of them!

And all asked for paper bags of course, which you know are great for the environment and all… but take way longer to load.
Especially if you’re a 60 year old lady bagging.
It seemed like we stood there for eternity. Every head was turned in our direction due to the intensity and loudness the Lummins inherited from me!

So you know I have about 150 pictures from the weekend to sift through and upload. I’ll give you one now.
Ok, two.



These are my favorites. The first one because of my own photo obsessed reasons-
the dude came out sharply in focus and illuminated (in my 12 or so other shots of him, he was always dark), the colors are vivid, and I just like it.
Even though you can’t see his face, I like the emotion and action in the shot.
And I’m proud of myself. Because even though I want to be a really good photgrapher, I’m so far from it. I took so many shots with Nik, but many were dark, out of focus, or otherwise uninspiring.

And this one because it’s so sweet...


It’s the moment.
Daddy helping Holden practice his new standing capabilities.

Transformation

It goes without saying that kids are constantly growing and changing.
Over the last few weeks, each of the Lummin’s have undergone a transformation that has noticeably changed their personalities.



Holden’s transformation has not been the source of celebration.
He’s become a bit of a sour apple.
Whereas he used to be the happy-go-lucky boy who would smile and reach out to everyone, he now clings and hides his face when strangers approach. While he did amuse us with his silly antics, he now frustrates and irritates us, me.
Before: he’d amaze us with his talent of shoveling food into his mouth faster than we could give it to him. Now: he begins screaming SCREAMING and demanding the food before we’ve barely set foot into the kitchen. Pitching a wild fit while I hastily make his food, and then thanks me by throwing it all on the floor! And wildly flailing his arms and screeching some more!
He used to amuse us with his silly antics.
He now throws drop-down, drama-queen temper tantrums! If you do not give him the exact thing he wants at the exact time (and I am forever trying to figure out what that exact thing is), he revolts. Hollering and carrying on as if we’d cut off his pinky finger, working up a sweat, using his entire 25 pound brute strength to overpower me. (God what am I going to do when he turns 15?)
The simple tasks of changing his diaper, getting dressed or undressed, cutting fingernails, or strapping him into the carseat have become strenuous workouts. It’s a matter of holding him down and tolerating the screaming while trying to maintain my composure.



I call him a sour apple because he makes my mouth pucker and swallow down the curse words I want to shout at him. He makes my brain pucker from all the mental energy I use for ignoring and tolerating the many many tantrums.


Sophie’s transformation has been much more delightful.
If I had to narrow it down and find exact words for what she’s become, I’d say she has become a child, a real human being who thinks for herself.
I know that sounds weird. But that’s what it is.



She’s now capable of her own thoughts and decisions. You can talk and reason with her. She will take an idea, swirl it around in her brain and ponder until she can articulate exactly what she means.
She’s no longer the toddler that just says and repeats words. You cannot get away with trying to trick or cajole her into something.
She constantly asks why. CONSTANTLY. She wants to know the reason behind everything. And while I find her need for learning about the world amazing, it does become tedious and annoying having to explain the reason for every single thing I do.
She has morphed into an independent little girl.
She chooses what she wants to wear and what music she wants to listen to. She amazes me with her original songs and nonsense words.
And boy can she manipulate. Excuses, excuses for everything…stalling tactics…creative ways to get what she wants without directly asking…



Other random tidbits:

• Holden can stand up by himself and will walk around holding on to furniture. We are anxiuosly awaiting the day he takes his first steps. But for now, he prefers to do the speedy butt-scoot to get around.
  

• Sophie now sleeps in a big girl bed. Being so independent, she adores that she can now get out of bed all by herself and dance around the room instead of taking a nap.

• You can click on the photos or my Flickr badge to view many other Lummin photos on my Flickr page.

• New poll up over to your right! Go vote.

Picture Overhaul

Organization is my middle name.
Went through the picture baskets Sunday and got them all squared away in photo boxes.
I so love looking through old pictures...I find the pictures of happy times, hard times, past loves, deceased, family & friends, party pictures, self portraits, wedding, kids...I get so consumed in the different directions they pull my heart.
I also came across many pictures worth of great blogging material! (more to come on the found mullet picture)
I think I might write a blook. Yes, a blook (that's a blog book).


So the first picture share is one that makes me laugh.


I look at this and remember a time of young love. Partying. A fresh new way of life living with Dwayne for the past few months or so. And this was one of the most fun nights of my life! The night before one of my dearest friend's wedding. We *celebrated* at my place after the bars had closed.
I already changed into my comfy shorts by that time. And we are both so obviously sober.
I remember dancing and singing with friends for hours. Laughing infinitely and singing along to Phish's repetitive "laughing laughing fall apart, laughing laughing fall apart, laughing laughing fall apart, laughing laughing fall apart..."
...getting faster and faster until you laugh and fall apart!
And that was when I met a woman who could play the spoons. She had skills.
It was spoon playing and swinging each other round to Devil Went Down to Georgia (Charlie Daniels Band).
Good times, good times...

BONUS:
Can you spot me and the mullet?

Third grade.

For the last few weekends we’ve been doing a major Spring Cleaning of the yard.
We have a big yard.
Lots of weeding, pruning, edging, trimming, hauling, …yet due to my ocd organizational nature, I like EVERYTHING neat and tidy. Perfection Organization takes time and everyday I spend long hours working outside. But I still keep finding more and more work that needs to be done.
I like it though. I get a great sense of accomplishment as I look back and see how much nicer it looks. It feels good to work hard and dig my hands through the dirt. With gloves on.

So everyone knows to really rid yourself of a weed you must pull it out by the roots.
I spied a nice thorny weed in one of the garden beds and decided to attack it this afternoon while the kids went down for their nap. I figured I could easily pull this baby out. I started to dig. And pull. Dig. Pull. No luck.
I dug some more. And more. And tried pulling. This mother was not budging. Soon sweat was pouring off my forehead and I came to realize that this weed was the spawn of the Devil. Clearly the roots must shoot all the way down to hell! And it seemed there was no way I was going to reach the bottom to pull it out. Due to my perseverance and earthly duty to rid the world of the thorny Devil Weed, I didn’t give up.
What started out as a simple task of removing a thorny weed from our garden, ended up being a complete 40 minute workout. Who needs cardio when you have a Devil Weed to kill? I began to take it personally that it kept resisting. It made me work harder and after an extended period of battling and cursing, I finally, FINALLY won!
I shouted “I WON MOTHER F*CKER!!!”

Seriously.


Please take a look:


That's not a tree limb. It's only part of the root to hell.


And here's just a fragment of mammoth Devil Weed's core.

Lum Secrets 2

Holden’s secret- I like to eat dirt and rocks just to get my Mom’s attention! I laugh when she says “Ack! Spit it out!”

Jackie’s secret- The longer I’m married to the Canadian, the more I start saying “Spit it oot!”