Death

Would you like to know the precise date of your death?
Would knowing when you'll die help you plan your life?

I usually try to avoid thinking about death. Like many others, I cannot imagine losing someone close to me. The very thought frightens me so much that I have to push it out of my head. Otherwise I would obsess and spend my life worrying all the time. And that's just not a healthy way to live.

But death has been on my mind lately.
On Valentine's Day my neighbor gave us some sad news. The man we bought our house from had passed away. He had been diagnosed with cancer last summer and now, less than a year later, he is gone. He was a young, healthy man, who had a wife and three children in grade school.
A terribly sad story. I know the unfortunate reality is that someone dies of cancer everyday, yet the news really made a dent in my heart.
We did not know the previous owners. But I feel some sort of connection to this family. We are living in the house that they shared for nine years together as a family.
Everyday we see reminders of them and their lives here...
...the small splatter of red nail polish on the floor... the glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling of the children's' rooms...the drops of candle wax on the wall behind the dresser...the smell of perfume in the master bathroom closet...the spot on the children's bathroom counter that never comes off...
And you know there's a story behind each one of these marks. I try to imagine the story whenever I see these little reminders.
When I start thinking about their family I know they must have reminders and reminders and reminders everywhere of their daddy/husband. The man that once filled their house and their lives. How empty it must feel now.
It makes me sad. And I don't ever want to KNOW that feeling.

Death is a depressing topic.
We can't change death. And even if we wanted to, we'll never know the exact date of our demise. I hope that I am living my life the same way I would if I knew that date. I want to cherish each and every day I have with my loved ones. So when the day comes for me or a loved one to leave this world, I want them to know how much they are loved!

I will try to remember that even when Dwayne is irritating me because he didn't put his dishes in the dishwasher, when I want to run to the liquor store because Sophie and Holden have been screaming and crying all day, when I don't agree with my family's opinions- I will still hug them tightly, smother them with my kisses, and tell them I love them!

And I guess that is all I can do.